Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Revelation at Church during worship time on Sunday: 

I've been struggling w/ fear about having this 3rd baby and if I even remember how to have a baby around 24/7...  how to swaddle a baby, to understand her cries, to be up at all hours (though I do that now), will I be able to breast-feed, will I be 'the mom I am suppose to be' by society's standards, and the list of fears goes on. 

And this is what was pressed upon me during worship: I experience fear when I am trying to take control in a situation where I am not in control. If I realize that I am not the one to be in the spot of control and release that to God THEN He will grant me peace for I've let go of the struggle for control. 

This came back to mind today as the end of this pregnancy is drawing near. This pregnancy has not at all been what I imagined it to be. When I was pregnant w/ my daughter, around the 3rd month we had been told that we had lost the child. Given a 99.9% chance of survival. But God proved them wrong, and graciously granted me a wonderful pregnancy from that point on. I in fact loved being pregnant. She had to spend a week in the hospital after she was born at 4 lbs 12 ounces, four weeks early. That was one of the hardest weeks of my life. My son was born 2 weeks early and also had to stay in the hospital for one week after being born 7 lbs even. That time it was even harder. Had a child at home, child in the hospital, and thoughts of 'what is wrong w/ me why can't I bring babies home right after they are born?' clouded my mind. 

So, w/ this being my third and last pregnancy, I had these great thoughts. I was older now. I knew more of what I personally wanted during my pregnancy. I was going to have a midwife. I was going to exercise hardcore the entire pregnancy. I was going to have tons of energy (ok, I do think I hit my head on that one... I mean I HAVE been pregnant before). But you get the idea. But no. This pregnancy I spent the first 16 weeks throwing up, then finding out there was a problem w/ our little girl's heart, then hearing how AWESOME God is by closing her hole, then moved from the midwife clinic to the High Risk clinic w/ the hospital (which has turned out to be a huge blessing), then struggling w/ partial bed rest, high blood pressure, headaches, seeing spots, not having energy, not being able to serve those who are close to me the way I want to.... and now having to have steroid shots to help the baby's lungs develop in case she comes in the next couple of weeks. 

But in all these disappoints I question myself , "why did I have these expectations?" And the truth is... being totally honest... Image. A girlfriend of mine this past week, hit that on the head. The struggle to maintain an image. I'm in control. I can do such and such on my own. I have it together and life is easy. Bologna! That's non-sense. When did I start buying into that junk?! I know, oh too well, that I can do nothing on my own. I am NOT in control. I do NOT have it together. And in no way is life easy or comfortable. 

My prayer now is to rest in the knowledge of the God I serve. To allow the head knowledge to guide my emotions... not my emotions guide my knowledge of God. 

My God defines my circumstances not the other way around. 

Monday, March 8, 2010

God's graciousness

I know... I stink at blogging. With the world of Facebook it is way to easy to do small little updates on the family w/out taking the time to really sit back and write about what God is doing in & through this little (but ever growing) family.

However, God has been abundantly faithful and gracious to us as of late and I would love to share with you all.

First thing: Baby G's little heart

As many of you know we are expecting our third child this May (if she stays in there that long). I believe it was November that we were told that we would be expecting a little girl to add and to complete our family. We were also told that she had a hole in her heart. The news was hard to hear, but we immediately felt God's grace and comfort as we spoke w/ the doctors and what steps would be next. In January, when we went back to meet w/ a specialist and they did an EKG on our little girl's heart, the doctor discovered that the hole had completely closed up! Praise GOD! He didn't have to chose to do that for our girl, but He did and we are so thankful. We had an ultrasound this past Friday (March 5th), and her heart and kidney's look great. She is a healthy weight and the doctors are very pleased. So are we. God is good!

Second thing: Greg and Internship and Job

In 2009 Greg and I had applied with a missions agency to work over in Senegal, Africa. The plans were to leave the fall of 2010 and Greg would work on short term team planning while living in Africa. We made it through a lot of hoops, however in the end God said No. There were a lot of different reasons, one being that the job we thought we were applying for wasn't open for hire, it still left us with some hurt feelings. We had confidence that God had said no for a reason, but we also knew that we may or may not ever know the reason why God said no. However, He has been gracious to us these past few months and has revealed some of the reasons why we were not to go, and has been faithfully molding Greg and preparing him for the next steps in his career. After a lot of talking with God and waiting on Him, Greg was assured that switching his masters degree was the next step. We would have been done this coming May 2010 at Multnomah, however, Greg has been given the huge gift and privilege to remain at Multnomah for at least another two years to finish a Master's in Divinity. Without the support of our family, this would be extremely impossible. But all of our parents have been supportive and encouraging along this journey and continue to blow wind in our sails as we continue this adventure here at Multnomah. God opened a wonderful opportunity for Greg to do his internship with an organization called DELTA Ministries. They are a group that focuses on coming along side churches to help them prepare, send, and debrief short term missions teams. Greg is so thankful for the mentor that God has granted Greg. He feels that he is and will continue to learn valuable tools for organizing short term teams. They are skills that will be able to transfer into whatever God may chose for us down the road. We are also excited because God has opened a door for Greg to come onto staff and to continue to learn and be groomed in this area of ministry. We are so humbled by God's graciousness. We were so disappointed to have been denied this past fall, and now we are so grateful that God told us no and allowed us to feel disappointed. He truly knows what is best and what we need. God is good!

Third thing: 2nd Car
We moved to Oregon with our mini-van. It has served us well. With Greg not working and able to walk across the street to his school, there was no need to have a second vehicle. We had had a second car while living in California and sold it before we moved so we could pay off our van. Not having a car payment was wonderful. However, with Greg now working alongside DELTA the need for a second car arose. DELTA's office is in Vancouver, WA while we live in Portland, OR. We knew that we needed just a point A to point B car that could get good gas milage. We also knew we desired not to have a car payment. Once again God came through in a huge way. We were recently given a chunk of money to put towards a second car. This allowed us to pay for a 2003 Pontiac Vibe out right. No loan, no debt. We are so blessed and amazed at how God continues to provide more than our basic needs. God is good!

Well, that is the Weaver family as of now. We are looking forward to a season of guests this Spring. We were blessed to have Karen Williams and her two kids come out our way this past January. My (Jen's) mother, Mary N,  was here this past weekend. My youngest sister, Desiree',  will be out here March 24-29. Then hopefully the Grummon family will be able to make it up here in mid April. Then we are blessed to have the Kugelberg's make it up late April. I am praying that my other sister will be able to come up sometime in May. We are just so blessed by our family and friends. God is gracious, faithful, and so good!

Thank you for walking with us all these years. We can not tell you how much we thank God for you and how special you all make us feel. Looking forward to what God has for you this year and praising Him for His faithfulness in your own lives.

Much love,
Wacky Weavers,
Greg, Jen, Mak, Zeke, and Baby G'