Monday, October 12, 2009

Plans verses reality

As many of you may know Greg and I applied with an organization this year to become short term coordinators in Senegal, Africa (northwest Africa). We started the process about 6 and half months ago. There were different stages that we needed to pass. As we passed each stage, Greg and I began to feel pretty secure in the fact that the family would be leaving sometime in August of 2010 (after he finished up his M.A. in May 2010).

Very LONG story but in the end we were not a fit for the job that was offered in Senegal (it turned out NOT to be a short term coordinator position). It was crushing. I was literally sobbing. The feelings of rejection and inadequates felt heavy on me. I couldn't wrap my mind around how we had been able to do so much in missions and had passed so many of the requirements to be then denied.

God's timing was so perfect. 2 months prior, my mother had bought a plane ticket to come up to Portland to see us. It so happened we got our phone call from the organization on the exact day my mother flew in. It was exactly what my heart needed. To be around a parent who could just listen to me cry and hold me. How awesome is our God that He knows what will cause us pain and then gives us the resources to take care of our heart. I felt so loved. We live in an awesome community in the married housing at Multnomah. Our friends were kind and gentle. We were able to start to process our emotions. It was such a safe place to do that. Without condemnation or judgements.

That night, I left to go pick up my mother from the airport and as I was driving I was singing (loudly and off key) to the radio which then I missed my exit and had to drive the rest of the way to Washington before I could turn around. There is a bridge that connects Oregon and Washington that goes over the Columbia River. It was sunset time and it was such a beautiful scene. The hills looked purple and the sky had flashes of pink, orange, blue, yellow. The river was deep sparkling blue. It was breathtaking. As I was driving I kept telling God. Wow, you really are so beautiful and amazing. And then I was overcome with thankfulness. I remember saying,
"Lord, thank you for loving me enough to allow me to be disappointed. Thank you that even though I am disappointed and I feel rejected and inadequate... you love me enough to guide my steps. You really do know what is best. I can't see the answer to our future right now but You do. So I trust you. And again, thank you, thank you , thank you for loving me enough to say no".

So what are Greg and my plans as of now? Keep moving forward and yet be at rest. We are playing with a couple of options and we are seeking advice and some wisdom. Lord has blessed us with hooking up with a couple that spent their careers as missionaries in Africa. They are very relational and are such a great fit for Greg and me. They have been extremely encouraging and helpful. I am looking forward to being under them and working on some the issues Greg and I need to work on before we could be ready to be over seas. Isn't God so good?!

We picked Makayla for our first born's name. Greg and I loved the name because of its meaning: Who is like God!
And how true that is. Who is like our God? What a privilege to call Him Lord, Father, Savior. So, though we don't know what next fall will hold for our family, we do know we worship and bend to the God of the Universe that does know those answers. So we are waiting, keeping our eyes and ears open, but resting in Him.

We seek your partnership in prayer. We ask that you would intercede on our behalves. Ask that we be open to the Holy Spirit and what He desires for us to hear and learn and submit. Pray that we be still and not try to be anxious to get on the field. Enjoy the journey that we are currently on. Guidance as we seek options. Continue to have an attitude of gratitude. Come alongside us as we praise God for taking care of our family and keeping us from a bad situation.

Know that Greg and I love you all so much and feel so blessed to call you all family. Thank you for faithfulness in all these years. We truly have love for you all