Revelation at Church during worship time on Sunday:
I've been struggling w/ fear about having this 3rd baby and if I even remember how to have a baby around 24/7... how to swaddle a baby, to understand her cries, to be up at all hours (though I do that now), will I be able to breast-feed, will I be 'the mom I am suppose to be' by society's standards, and the list of fears goes on.
And this is what was pressed upon me during worship: I experience fear when I am trying to take control in a situation where I am not in control. If I realize that I am not the one to be in the spot of control and release that to God THEN He will grant me peace for I've let go of the struggle for control.
This came back to mind today as the end of this pregnancy is drawing near. This pregnancy has not at all been what I imagined it to be. When I was pregnant w/ my daughter, around the 3rd month we had been told that we had lost the child. Given a 99.9% chance of survival. But God proved them wrong, and graciously granted me a wonderful pregnancy from that point on. I in fact loved being pregnant. She had to spend a week in the hospital after she was born at 4 lbs 12 ounces, four weeks early. That was one of the hardest weeks of my life. My son was born 2 weeks early and also had to stay in the hospital for one week after being born 7 lbs even. That time it was even harder. Had a child at home, child in the hospital, and thoughts of 'what is wrong w/ me why can't I bring babies home right after they are born?' clouded my mind.
So, w/ this being my third and last pregnancy, I had these great thoughts. I was older now. I knew more of what I personally wanted during my pregnancy. I was going to have a midwife. I was going to exercise hardcore the entire pregnancy. I was going to have tons of energy (ok, I do think I hit my head on that one... I mean I HAVE been pregnant before). But you get the idea. But no. This pregnancy I spent the first 16 weeks throwing up, then finding out there was a problem w/ our little girl's heart, then hearing how AWESOME God is by closing her hole, then moved from the midwife clinic to the High Risk clinic w/ the hospital (which has turned out to be a huge blessing), then struggling w/ partial bed rest, high blood pressure, headaches, seeing spots, not having energy, not being able to serve those who are close to me the way I want to.... and now having to have steroid shots to help the baby's lungs develop in case she comes in the next couple of weeks.
But in all these disappoints I question myself , "why did I have these expectations?" And the truth is... being totally honest... Image. A girlfriend of mine this past week, hit that on the head. The struggle to maintain an image. I'm in control. I can do such and such on my own. I have it together and life is easy. Bologna! That's non-sense. When did I start buying into that junk?! I know, oh too well, that I can do nothing on my own. I am NOT in control. I do NOT have it together. And in no way is life easy or comfortable.
My prayer now is to rest in the knowledge of the God I serve. To allow the head knowledge to guide my emotions... not my emotions guide my knowledge of God.
My God defines my circumstances not the other way around.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
God's graciousness
I know... I stink at blogging. With the world of Facebook it is way to easy to do small little updates on the family w/out taking the time to really sit back and write about what God is doing in & through this little (but ever growing) family.
However, God has been abundantly faithful and gracious to us as of late and I would love to share with you all.
First thing: Baby G's little heart
As many of you know we are expecting our third child this May (if she stays in there that long). I believe it was November that we were told that we would be expecting a little girl to add and to complete our family. We were also told that she had a hole in her heart. The news was hard to hear, but we immediately felt God's grace and comfort as we spoke w/ the doctors and what steps would be next. In January, when we went back to meet w/ a specialist and they did an EKG on our little girl's heart, the doctor discovered that the hole had completely closed up! Praise GOD! He didn't have to chose to do that for our girl, but He did and we are so thankful. We had an ultrasound this past Friday (March 5th), and her heart and kidney's look great. She is a healthy weight and the doctors are very pleased. So are we. God is good!
Second thing: Greg and Internship and Job
In 2009 Greg and I had applied with a missions agency to work over in Senegal, Africa. The plans were to leave the fall of 2010 and Greg would work on short term team planning while living in Africa. We made it through a lot of hoops, however in the end God said No. There were a lot of different reasons, one being that the job we thought we were applying for wasn't open for hire, it still left us with some hurt feelings. We had confidence that God had said no for a reason, but we also knew that we may or may not ever know the reason why God said no. However, He has been gracious to us these past few months and has revealed some of the reasons why we were not to go, and has been faithfully molding Greg and preparing him for the next steps in his career. After a lot of talking with God and waiting on Him, Greg was assured that switching his masters degree was the next step. We would have been done this coming May 2010 at Multnomah, however, Greg has been given the huge gift and privilege to remain at Multnomah for at least another two years to finish a Master's in Divinity. Without the support of our family, this would be extremely impossible. But all of our parents have been supportive and encouraging along this journey and continue to blow wind in our sails as we continue this adventure here at Multnomah. God opened a wonderful opportunity for Greg to do his internship with an organization called DELTA Ministries. They are a group that focuses on coming along side churches to help them prepare, send, and debrief short term missions teams. Greg is so thankful for the mentor that God has granted Greg. He feels that he is and will continue to learn valuable tools for organizing short term teams. They are skills that will be able to transfer into whatever God may chose for us down the road. We are also excited because God has opened a door for Greg to come onto staff and to continue to learn and be groomed in this area of ministry. We are so humbled by God's graciousness. We were so disappointed to have been denied this past fall, and now we are so grateful that God told us no and allowed us to feel disappointed. He truly knows what is best and what we need. God is good!
Third thing: 2nd Car
We moved to Oregon with our mini-van. It has served us well. With Greg not working and able to walk across the street to his school, there was no need to have a second vehicle. We had had a second car while living in California and sold it before we moved so we could pay off our van. Not having a car payment was wonderful. However, with Greg now working alongside DELTA the need for a second car arose. DELTA's office is in Vancouver, WA while we live in Portland, OR. We knew that we needed just a point A to point B car that could get good gas milage. We also knew we desired not to have a car payment. Once again God came through in a huge way. We were recently given a chunk of money to put towards a second car. This allowed us to pay for a 2003 Pontiac Vibe out right. No loan, no debt. We are so blessed and amazed at how God continues to provide more than our basic needs. God is good!
Well, that is the Weaver family as of now. We are looking forward to a season of guests this Spring. We were blessed to have Karen Williams and her two kids come out our way this past January. My (Jen's) mother, Mary N, was here this past weekend. My youngest sister, Desiree', will be out here March 24-29. Then hopefully the Grummon family will be able to make it up here in mid April. Then we are blessed to have the Kugelberg's make it up late April. I am praying that my other sister will be able to come up sometime in May. We are just so blessed by our family and friends. God is gracious, faithful, and so good!
Thank you for walking with us all these years. We can not tell you how much we thank God for you and how special you all make us feel. Looking forward to what God has for you this year and praising Him for His faithfulness in your own lives.
Much love,
Wacky Weavers,
Greg, Jen, Mak, Zeke, and Baby G'
However, God has been abundantly faithful and gracious to us as of late and I would love to share with you all.
First thing: Baby G's little heart
As many of you know we are expecting our third child this May (if she stays in there that long). I believe it was November that we were told that we would be expecting a little girl to add and to complete our family. We were also told that she had a hole in her heart. The news was hard to hear, but we immediately felt God's grace and comfort as we spoke w/ the doctors and what steps would be next. In January, when we went back to meet w/ a specialist and they did an EKG on our little girl's heart, the doctor discovered that the hole had completely closed up! Praise GOD! He didn't have to chose to do that for our girl, but He did and we are so thankful. We had an ultrasound this past Friday (March 5th), and her heart and kidney's look great. She is a healthy weight and the doctors are very pleased. So are we. God is good!
Second thing: Greg and Internship and Job
In 2009 Greg and I had applied with a missions agency to work over in Senegal, Africa. The plans were to leave the fall of 2010 and Greg would work on short term team planning while living in Africa. We made it through a lot of hoops, however in the end God said No. There were a lot of different reasons, one being that the job we thought we were applying for wasn't open for hire, it still left us with some hurt feelings. We had confidence that God had said no for a reason, but we also knew that we may or may not ever know the reason why God said no. However, He has been gracious to us these past few months and has revealed some of the reasons why we were not to go, and has been faithfully molding Greg and preparing him for the next steps in his career. After a lot of talking with God and waiting on Him, Greg was assured that switching his masters degree was the next step. We would have been done this coming May 2010 at Multnomah, however, Greg has been given the huge gift and privilege to remain at Multnomah for at least another two years to finish a Master's in Divinity. Without the support of our family, this would be extremely impossible. But all of our parents have been supportive and encouraging along this journey and continue to blow wind in our sails as we continue this adventure here at Multnomah. God opened a wonderful opportunity for Greg to do his internship with an organization called DELTA Ministries. They are a group that focuses on coming along side churches to help them prepare, send, and debrief short term missions teams. Greg is so thankful for the mentor that God has granted Greg. He feels that he is and will continue to learn valuable tools for organizing short term teams. They are skills that will be able to transfer into whatever God may chose for us down the road. We are also excited because God has opened a door for Greg to come onto staff and to continue to learn and be groomed in this area of ministry. We are so humbled by God's graciousness. We were so disappointed to have been denied this past fall, and now we are so grateful that God told us no and allowed us to feel disappointed. He truly knows what is best and what we need. God is good!
Third thing: 2nd Car
We moved to Oregon with our mini-van. It has served us well. With Greg not working and able to walk across the street to his school, there was no need to have a second vehicle. We had had a second car while living in California and sold it before we moved so we could pay off our van. Not having a car payment was wonderful. However, with Greg now working alongside DELTA the need for a second car arose. DELTA's office is in Vancouver, WA while we live in Portland, OR. We knew that we needed just a point A to point B car that could get good gas milage. We also knew we desired not to have a car payment. Once again God came through in a huge way. We were recently given a chunk of money to put towards a second car. This allowed us to pay for a 2003 Pontiac Vibe out right. No loan, no debt. We are so blessed and amazed at how God continues to provide more than our basic needs. God is good!
Well, that is the Weaver family as of now. We are looking forward to a season of guests this Spring. We were blessed to have Karen Williams and her two kids come out our way this past January. My (Jen's) mother, Mary N, was here this past weekend. My youngest sister, Desiree', will be out here March 24-29. Then hopefully the Grummon family will be able to make it up here in mid April. Then we are blessed to have the Kugelberg's make it up late April. I am praying that my other sister will be able to come up sometime in May. We are just so blessed by our family and friends. God is gracious, faithful, and so good!
Thank you for walking with us all these years. We can not tell you how much we thank God for you and how special you all make us feel. Looking forward to what God has for you this year and praising Him for His faithfulness in your own lives.
Much love,
Wacky Weavers,
Greg, Jen, Mak, Zeke, and Baby G'
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
New bedroom...well sort of
Hope you all had a great Christmas! Greg and I were blessed w/ some money this Christmas. Most of it was put aside to help w/ the up coming baby. However, I had been dying to get the kids real bedding for a couple of years now. Mak, being 5 1/2 now, had been blessed with a hand-me-down flower bedding when she was 18 months old, and also a wonderful flannel blanket that her Nana had made her. However, when we moved we to Portland, we realized that the bedding had many holes in it and decided it was time to let it go. We have been using the wonderful blanket and some Good Will sheets for the past 1 1/2 yrs. Zeke had been still using his "Car's" crib blanket and some random flannel blankets. So, w/ a little extra cash I decided to treat the kids to some bedding.
The kids got to pick them out... w/ some stipulations. No character blankets. Not because I'm anti-disney or some other company. I just know that kids go through phases, such as which Princess, or Boy character the like at the time. These had to be sets that would last some time. I was very happy w/ how well the kids did. And w/ having mix genders sharing a room, I thought I was doomed to have the room look like color and pattern barfed all over the place. But I think they did great. Here are some photos to show their choices. It makes me happy that they were able to chose and express themselves. Also notice in the pictures some shelving over the dressers (which Mak had painted w/ me about 2 years ago). My studly husband put those up for them. I had had one of those plywood shoe shelves in my closet. It broke about 6 months ago and I had figured out a way to keep it in somewhat workable condition, until this past week when it finally gave out for good. Greg reused the materials and found a great use for them. Love the savings on that! Oh, and after doing some research on pricing for bedding, I found a great deal at Target! For one set: comforter, sheets, and pillow case= $64. Compared to $179 for one set.
Very happy kids, and very happy mommy!
The kids got to pick them out... w/ some stipulations. No character blankets. Not because I'm anti-disney or some other company. I just know that kids go through phases, such as which Princess, or Boy character the like at the time. These had to be sets that would last some time. I was very happy w/ how well the kids did. And w/ having mix genders sharing a room, I thought I was doomed to have the room look like color and pattern barfed all over the place. But I think they did great. Here are some photos to show their choices. It makes me happy that they were able to chose and express themselves. Also notice in the pictures some shelving over the dressers (which Mak had painted w/ me about 2 years ago). My studly husband put those up for them. I had had one of those plywood shoe shelves in my closet. It broke about 6 months ago and I had figured out a way to keep it in somewhat workable condition, until this past week when it finally gave out for good. Greg reused the materials and found a great use for them. Love the savings on that! Oh, and after doing some research on pricing for bedding, I found a great deal at Target! For one set: comforter, sheets, and pillow case= $64. Compared to $179 for one set.
Very happy kids, and very happy mommy!
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Plans verses reality
As many of you may know Greg and I applied with an organization this year to become short term coordinators in Senegal, Africa (northwest Africa). We started the process about 6 and half months ago. There were different stages that we needed to pass. As we passed each stage, Greg and I began to feel pretty secure in the fact that the family would be leaving sometime in August of 2010 (after he finished up his M.A. in May 2010).
Very LONG story but in the end we were not a fit for the job that was offered in Senegal (it turned out NOT to be a short term coordinator position). It was crushing. I was literally sobbing. The feelings of rejection and inadequates felt heavy on me. I couldn't wrap my mind around how we had been able to do so much in missions and had passed so many of the requirements to be then denied.
God's timing was so perfect. 2 months prior, my mother had bought a plane ticket to come up to Portland to see us. It so happened we got our phone call from the organization on the exact day my mother flew in. It was exactly what my heart needed. To be around a parent who could just listen to me cry and hold me. How awesome is our God that He knows what will cause us pain and then gives us the resources to take care of our heart. I felt so loved. We live in an awesome community in the married housing at Multnomah. Our friends were kind and gentle. We were able to start to process our emotions. It was such a safe place to do that. Without condemnation or judgements.
That night, I left to go pick up my mother from the airport and as I was driving I was singing (loudly and off key) to the radio which then I missed my exit and had to drive the rest of the way to Washington before I could turn around. There is a bridge that connects Oregon and Washington that goes over the Columbia River. It was sunset time and it was such a beautiful scene. The hills looked purple and the sky had flashes of pink, orange, blue, yellow. The river was deep sparkling blue. It was breathtaking. As I was driving I kept telling God. Wow, you really are so beautiful and amazing. And then I was overcome with thankfulness. I remember saying,
"Lord, thank you for loving me enough to allow me to be disappointed. Thank you that even though I am disappointed and I feel rejected and inadequate... you love me enough to guide my steps. You really do know what is best. I can't see the answer to our future right now but You do. So I trust you. And again, thank you, thank you , thank you for loving me enough to say no".
So what are Greg and my plans as of now? Keep moving forward and yet be at rest. We are playing with a couple of options and we are seeking advice and some wisdom. Lord has blessed us with hooking up with a couple that spent their careers as missionaries in Africa. They are very relational and are such a great fit for Greg and me. They have been extremely encouraging and helpful. I am looking forward to being under them and working on some the issues Greg and I need to work on before we could be ready to be over seas. Isn't God so good?!
We picked Makayla for our first born's name. Greg and I loved the name because of its meaning: Who is like God!
And how true that is. Who is like our God? What a privilege to call Him Lord, Father, Savior. So, though we don't know what next fall will hold for our family, we do know we worship and bend to the God of the Universe that does know those answers. So we are waiting, keeping our eyes and ears open, but resting in Him.
We seek your partnership in prayer. We ask that you would intercede on our behalves. Ask that we be open to the Holy Spirit and what He desires for us to hear and learn and submit. Pray that we be still and not try to be anxious to get on the field. Enjoy the journey that we are currently on. Guidance as we seek options. Continue to have an attitude of gratitude. Come alongside us as we praise God for taking care of our family and keeping us from a bad situation.
Know that Greg and I love you all so much and feel so blessed to call you all family. Thank you for faithfulness in all these years. We truly have love for you all
Jen
Very LONG story but in the end we were not a fit for the job that was offered in Senegal (it turned out NOT to be a short term coordinator position). It was crushing. I was literally sobbing. The feelings of rejection and inadequates felt heavy on me. I couldn't wrap my mind around how we had been able to do so much in missions and had passed so many of the requirements to be then denied.
God's timing was so perfect. 2 months prior, my mother had bought a plane ticket to come up to Portland to see us. It so happened we got our phone call from the organization on the exact day my mother flew in. It was exactly what my heart needed. To be around a parent who could just listen to me cry and hold me. How awesome is our God that He knows what will cause us pain and then gives us the resources to take care of our heart. I felt so loved. We live in an awesome community in the married housing at Multnomah. Our friends were kind and gentle. We were able to start to process our emotions. It was such a safe place to do that. Without condemnation or judgements.
That night, I left to go pick up my mother from the airport and as I was driving I was singing (loudly and off key) to the radio which then I missed my exit and had to drive the rest of the way to Washington before I could turn around. There is a bridge that connects Oregon and Washington that goes over the Columbia River. It was sunset time and it was such a beautiful scene. The hills looked purple and the sky had flashes of pink, orange, blue, yellow. The river was deep sparkling blue. It was breathtaking. As I was driving I kept telling God. Wow, you really are so beautiful and amazing. And then I was overcome with thankfulness. I remember saying,
"Lord, thank you for loving me enough to allow me to be disappointed. Thank you that even though I am disappointed and I feel rejected and inadequate... you love me enough to guide my steps. You really do know what is best. I can't see the answer to our future right now but You do. So I trust you. And again, thank you, thank you , thank you for loving me enough to say no".
So what are Greg and my plans as of now? Keep moving forward and yet be at rest. We are playing with a couple of options and we are seeking advice and some wisdom. Lord has blessed us with hooking up with a couple that spent their careers as missionaries in Africa. They are very relational and are such a great fit for Greg and me. They have been extremely encouraging and helpful. I am looking forward to being under them and working on some the issues Greg and I need to work on before we could be ready to be over seas. Isn't God so good?!
We picked Makayla for our first born's name. Greg and I loved the name because of its meaning: Who is like God!
And how true that is. Who is like our God? What a privilege to call Him Lord, Father, Savior. So, though we don't know what next fall will hold for our family, we do know we worship and bend to the God of the Universe that does know those answers. So we are waiting, keeping our eyes and ears open, but resting in Him.
We seek your partnership in prayer. We ask that you would intercede on our behalves. Ask that we be open to the Holy Spirit and what He desires for us to hear and learn and submit. Pray that we be still and not try to be anxious to get on the field. Enjoy the journey that we are currently on. Guidance as we seek options. Continue to have an attitude of gratitude. Come alongside us as we praise God for taking care of our family and keeping us from a bad situation.
Know that Greg and I love you all so much and feel so blessed to call you all family. Thank you for faithfulness in all these years. We truly have love for you all
Jen
Monday, August 31, 2009
Kenya - Part 1
I know... I'm lame. I'm now finally sitting down to recap my summer and here it is Greg's first day back at Multnomah... meaning the fall semester has officially kicked off.
Justin and Suzanne McElderry along with Greg and myself left for Kenya in June. We had the amazing privilege of teaming alongside the Harrels and their students and friends.
We were able to see what Rich and Kathy do on a day to day basis but also we were able to see what the alumni from Moffat Bible College are doing (This is where Rich and Kathy teach). They have such a sweet spirit about them and are great examples of how to cultivate a real relationship with those that are native to the land.
We were able to go to an Orphanage for abandon babies, (some have HIV/AIDS). This was mostly to get an idea of what some people are doing in the country. It was an encouragement to see how God is caring for the children in that area. The workers were amazing.
Then Greg got the privilege of speaking at the first service at a church. He was so nervous. But he did really well. Justin was then able to preach at the second church and though it was a different style it was neat to see that God uses different methods to teach and mold His flocks.
Then on Monday and Tues Suzanne and I had the amazing privilege of teaching in a flower community called Casaroni. Pastor Charles is an amazing worker who has sacrificed greatly to love. He is loving His community beyond a Sunday morning message, but he is out there involved in the schools, ministering to those in the medical clinic, starting a feeding center, starting a preschool, starting a high school. He also makes appoint to go into the community and to sit and be with the people. He challenged me more than anyone has ever challenged me. Suzanne did an outstanding job on designing curriculum for jr. highers and for the high schoolers. No doubt that that is her gifting.
We were than able to see a couple of classes at the Moffat Bible College. And partake in the AIDS ministry that was happening at the Elementry school level.
We were able to go to a prison and be with men and women. It was great to see the hope that some had because they knew they belonged to the Lord. I will talk more about this in another blog.
Coming home is always the hard part. Not wanting to forget. Not wanting to be unchanged. Not wanting to let this become a vacation. Wanting my heart to change. Wanting my relationship w/ Christ to be deeper. Wanting my family to operate differently because of what God allowed Greg and I to see, hear, feel, experience.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
MAK 5 Baby!
Well we are back from Kenya and our travels down south. I will one day, hopefully soon, sit down and write about those wonderful travels. However, right now I am going to think about my daughter.
Makayla Joy Weaver turned 5 this morning. It is so hard to believe that this beautiful strong little girl once entered this world only weighing 4 lbs and 13 ounces. She arrived 4 weeks earlier than the doctors or I had anticipated. But my oh my! What a beautiful girl was and is. I am continually amazed at what she is learning and striving to learn. And yet, if I am to be honest, I am truly amazed at what she has taught me. I am a better person for having her. So here is my short list of things I love to do with my daughter... trust me the list is longer but these are my most favorite moments:
1) Listening to her read... LOVE it
2) watching her show compassion to those that are hurting
3) baking with her... so many great conversations while we bake... wouldn't change that for the world
4) Painting our nails... she would do this everyday if I would let her... but since her mom isn't very girly we do as our "special date"
5) sitting on the top of her bunk bed and listening to whatever she wants to share
6) making up silly stories... and helping her discover new ways of telling stories
7) listening to her play pretend and hearing her say to a friend I want to be a mom when I grow up what do you want to do?
8) And my all time favorite... hearing her pray for friends and their unborn babies. Praying for people that she misses. Asking God to take care of people she hardly even knows.
And as I said the list goes on. I am so blessed to have BOTH my kids but today I stop to remember when God allowed me the privilege to become a mom. I am looking forward to this next year and falling more in love with this beautiful child that God is molding.
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